crazy girl.
22 May 2012 Leave a Comment
i feel like i can be such a freakin’ crazy girl sometimes. i don’t know what it is inside me that sets off this really weird, super-focused/obsessive person inside of me. i can just get so focused on one thing, that it’s all i think about for a week or two. i somehow forget about all else, and just center my life around it. what it is differs, but usually it has to do with adjusting to something new. like for work, i’ve somehow become super-focused on people. i don’t know why..just getting to know them/feel who they are/how we relate to each other/compatibility/whatever. ugh. i don’t even know. but this particularly happens with boys.. which is why i should be grateful for being single! i still get super obsessive with new boys/boys who i think are potentially interested in me, but after i figure out nothing’s going to happen/it doesn’t matter if anything happens i can finally settle down. i don’t know..maybe its a way of dealing with stress, i just latch on to something interesting/attractive and put all of my attention into it while adjusting to a new atmosphere, like work or school. it’s really weird…and its really weird to try to explain/think out. i don’t know…
“If you want something i…
19 May 2012 Leave a Comment
“If you want something in life, reach out and grab it.”
-Into the Wild
“Strength does not come …
19 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
-Gandhi
London Rain [Heather Nova…
19 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
London Rain [Heather Nova]
“And when somebody knows you well
Well there’s no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well there’s no drug Iike that”
Crushed.
18 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
I feel like I’m being crushed. All this pressure is on me right now, and it’s becoming harder and harder to withstand it. My professors are giving me more than enough of a hard time. My drawing class teacher is the worst by far..he’s a great teacher, I guess, but in a weird way. Right now we’re working on this project, which is making a huge poster of a product, and showing is process and evolution through design. I’m having an incredibly hard time. Each time he assigns a part of it to be due, I feel fairly confident that what I did was right, or at least followed his guidelines, but no, each time he critiques our stuff we’re all wrong. How does that even make sense if he’s supposed to be such a good teacher? First of, he doesn’t even focus on what our assignment was. He gets so infatuated if a certain part of it is off, and that’s all he comments on, and then says “I already told you”. I keep thinking I’m improving on this certain project but each time I come to class I leave feeling even more confused/frustrated. I talked to him after class about what was missing in my poster and he said “everything” really? How is everything missing when this is the fourth time I’ve changed it according to what he’s said? It’s getting to the point where I just don’t care, and I don’t know where to go from here. We’re supposed to be awesome communicators, but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m doing it wrong. It’s probably the most discouraging thing I’ve felt in the past 4 semesters here..and I feel like I can’t even save this project. I have no idea where to go from here.
In addition to that class being a living hell, I have that SAME professor for my studio next fall. Seriously… kill me. I don’t know if I can stand it. And on top of that, my old studio teacher, who became our digital modeling teacher, is teaching us that next level of that class next fall too..and he is the worst at teaching via computer! Ughhh. Life is just looking so disparaging right now, and I can’t seem to get out of this angry/confused/apathetic mindset I’m in..please summer just hurry and never leave!
Our Love Song
16 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
Okay, so this was a narrative I put together using random (mostly country song) lyrics, when I was 15! And I turned this in as an English assignment…I kind of can’t believe how brave and bold I was with this! No wonder the guys in my class always made fun of me…Anyways here it is!
Destiny’s calling; you’re with him I don’t know why but it just don’t feel like the stars are lined, the world is mine, the time is right; but what if this is that one day?The one that you always say if it ever came along, you’d never let it get away. Waiting on someone’s rescue, my arms are right here for you. Every note of a beautiful melody, the perfect rhyme in poetry, you are everything but mine. I could conquer the world if you were my girl.
You’re a midsummer’s dream under a star soaked sky. All I wanna do is let it be and be with you. If you ask me why I’ve changed all I’ve got to do is say your sweet name. I’d love to be your redemption, but I am just a man. I may never be a hero, but I’m a rock you can lean on. If I don’t love you like you deserve, if I don’t stop every tear you’re crying, if I don’t make your life heaven on this earth, I’ll die trying.
I was 22 working double-overtime. We were just about as wild as we were green in the ways of the world. She snuck out one night and met me by the front gate. I was thinkin’ ’bout a little white tank top sitting right there in the middle by me, I was thinkin’ about a long kiss, man just gotta get goin’ where the night might lead. Red sundown out across that western sky. Parked down by the riverside, in your arms about to make love for the first time. Texas stars in a purple night.
Well the very first time her mother met me her green-eyed girl had been a mother-to-be for two weeks. I was spending dollars and making dimes, we were over-drawn and barely hanging on. We were young and wild, we decided not to have a child, so we did what we did and we tried to forget and we swore up and down there’d be no regrets in the morning light.
Alone in the silence she wakes up too soon, she woke up with hope and only found tears; reaching for my arm, but she’ll just keep reaching on. The cold hard truth revealed what it had known.
I came home late she said “Where’ve you been?” She said if this is how it’s gonna be then I quit, she walked out the door, and I lost it.
What hurts the most, was being so close, and havin’ so much to say and watchin’ you walk away. But take your records, take your freedom, take your memories I don’t need them, and take your space and take your reasons, but you’ll think of me.
I went out driving trying to clear my head; I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left. Seems the only blessing I have left to my name is not knowing what we could have been; what we should have been. I shout at the walls, hold my breath ’til I fall
but it won’t get the better of me. I’ll live with the pain until all that remains is the memory
that you used to be. Goin’ no where fast put my foot on the gas, howlin’ at the moon but I won’t come running on back to you.
Living in bits and pieces of a jagged heart; it’s a long trip alone, over sand and stone; that lie across the road that we all must travel down. You built a bridge, I tore it down; I felt safe on shaky ground and I was a master of despair- making believe I didn’t care. People say she’s only in my head. It’s gonna take time but I’ll forget. What they don’t realize is when you’re dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone, driving cross town just to see if she’s home, waking a friend in the dead of the night just to hear him say it’s gonna be alright, when you’re finding things to do, not to fall asleep cause you know she’s waiting in your dreams that’s when she’s more than a memory.
We held the world like a glass of lemonade; it tasted sweet, oh man, we had it made. Didn’t we laugh? Weren’t we brave? Wasn’t it cool, acting like fools with nothing in our way? You and I stuck in time like we would never fade. Baby, why’d we have to change? She felt like the sun to me on those cold November nights. She was the first love of my life.
Well I picked myself up off the floor she walked back through the door, and we made love like it was the first time.
Baby just look at us, all this time and we’re still in love. Something like this just don’t exist between a backwoods boy and a fairytale princess. People said it would never work out; we shattered all doubts. It feels good to prove ‘em wrong; just livin’ our love song.
Dear California
14 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
“Dear California, it’s been nice to know ya
Tell me, will you miss me when I’m gone?”
-Vanessa Carlton
I miss California. I was only there for under a week, but I fell in love. How could a place be so wonderful, and beautiful? Not only did I get to explore San Diego, but I had an AMAZING camera to explore with..this trip was over a year ago, but I forgot that I never posted any pictures from it. So, here ya go!
